March 11, 2008

Operation Nose Suction

Situation: Toddler streaming thick green mucus from nostrils for several days in a row. Ability to function as normal toddler compromised. Parental units concerned about near-future viability for outdoor operations. Action required to rectify the snot attack.

Mission: Clear clogged nasal passages of greenish slime and restore sniffle-free breathing.

1. Distract: Employ colorful Elmo sticker while Dad unit does dumb entertaining things to distract attention of targeted child.
2. Disarm: Dad holds child unit’s head and lovingly clasps little arms to suppress arm defenses.
3. Clean: Mom unit inserts suction thingy into child’s nostril, and inhales air through the other tube to suction out yucky green shit. Execute same op on other nostril with surgical precision and speed to take advantage of surprise and prevent effective resistance.
4. Extract: Pull equipment out, leaving no traces for a future enemy force regeneration.

Results: screaming bloody murder during operation, followed by an appreciative sigh of relief as normal breathing through nasal passages is restored. Mission accomplished.
From the parental perspective

From the kid perspective

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