July 11, 2010

Vote Kan-Toe

I’ve decided to seek a mandate from the people of Japan to govern by creating a new political party, forming a new cabinet under my leadership and, ultimately, becoming the Prime Minister. Why? Many pundits have opined about the revolving door of Japanese PMs over the last few years and the country’s need for a strong leader who would not be constrained by conventional political rules and party faction infighting.

What better candidate than an itinerant foreigner with absolutely no ties to politics or government?

Moreover, I share many of the qualities and quirks that catapulted recent PMs into power:
- average Japanese people often have no idea what I am talking about when I speak with them due to unintelligible diction
- I have serious trouble reading Japanese Kanji characters
- questionable decision-making skills and chronic money problems
- tone-deaf to the concerns of the people around me
- wear out-of-date clothing that cause people question my connection with contemporary society
- as a gaijin, I am considered an alien, certainly originating from “out there”

Yet I am confident I have the vision and courage to lead Nippon into the future. The Kan-Toe (in English, the Canada Party) has been formed under the slogan “Maybe We Can.”

Today is the upper house election in Japan, destined to be a landmark in the electoral history of this fine island nation. With five PMs having come and gone in the last four years, I think the time is ripe for the polity to choose a bright, shining maple leaf-hued vision of the future. I am escorting my lovely wife to a local school where she will cast her ballot as part of the democratic process. Thus, I’m sure that I will get at least one vote—but I’ll have to make outrageous promises to get it: "Maybe We Can."

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