Battling Black Crow Bowel Blasts

Courtesy of needpix.com

We’ve experienced some fowl times in my neighborhood. It began in late June, in the early dawn hours of the morning. I was repeatedly woken by a cadence of loud “caw-caw-caw” squawks. That meant it wasn’t pigeons that were responsible for these affronts. I recognized the handiwork of crows in the form of disgusting splotches of white-gray bird guano splattering our driveway, occasionally peppering the car.

Yuck. And very hard to remove.

I thought these dirty deeds would be temporary, might abate. Wrong--it just got worse. I knew I was at war.

Preparing to do battle, I studied my new enemy. Canny, intelligent creatures, those crows. They’re well known as pests in cities, prying apart garbage bags for edible trash and making a mess. They are clever birds who know that humans will always place garbage in accessible places. People may even cover their trash with netting, but these wily adversaries peck the bags, or drag them out, then rip them apart in their search for food. 

They’ll stake out a spot near a source of food and establish a nice perch to rest at night. And drop their guano in the same spot.

Those are all good reasons to combat this scourge of deep sleep and sanitation. And so I bought a cheap water pistol and plotted an ambush to scare them off. Evidently I didn’t plan well or practice properly ahead of time. This pistol’s meager stream didn’t reach the power lines less than 20 feet from our balcony. It neither scared the crows nor dislodged them from their regular resting place atop the power lines. It just made them caw with derision. I lost the first skirmish.

I ignored my bruised pride and regrouped. Thought it through. First, I made a decoy. My neighbor had mentioned an old farmer’s trick to make a scarecrow or a flashy moving object, to trick the crows by the scarecrow’s movement due to gusts of wind or the sun’s glint. I put together a "tinsel terror" festooned with old CDs to rustle in the wind and glitter in the sun.

Then I purchased some better firepower.  A pump-action super soaker water pistol that can accurately shoot a powerful stream of water 40 feet. I plotted my ambush. One early morning, the usual “caw-caw-caw” (“we’re here”) notice roused me. I crept onto the balcony, jumped up quickly and nailed two crows with a jet of water. Revenge at last.

The crows have not returned to sit on the same spot and there has been no further crow crap on my car or driveway. This is 100% true.

And if they do come, I’ve got the super soaker ready to do battle again.

Canada Day & Preteen Paydays

July 1st
It’s Canada Day, I’m working at home and it’s pouring rain. I have neither a beer in my mitt nor a flag flying outside the house. So my sitrep aligns with the celebrations in Canada that have been subdued by the pandemic. I opted for a simple indoor salute to mark la Fête du Canada. 

The Great White North is far from perfect, but I think it’s pretty darn good. Why else would people come from around the world to live there? Today, I miss my homeland, but celebrate its birthday and all that’s good and right there.

Two years ago, but a cute photo

I want it all….NOW

Riffing off the notion of far-from-perfect but-pretty-darn-good, let me offer a few observations about Ladies E. and M. Recently, they’ve embraced junior entrepreneurship and making money. It’s the compelling magic of capitalism!

Courtesy of Karl Hess and Amazon Books

I believe entrepreneurship thrives because some people envisage an opportunity, work hard and take risks to fulfill a perceived need, for profit. Kids are no different from adults, just smaller and less cynical. My daughters are consummate entrepreneurs. They laser-sighted new ways to manage and manipulate their poor papa to obtain some cash. I’m learning that as the Rising Daughters develop and are further immersed in society, the more they want stuff. And as soon as they decide they want it, they want it right NOW.

They already get monthly allowances and receive generous cash gifts from their grandparents. (They do save some of this largesse.) Yet it doesn’t seem to be enough. Not being old enough to get a part-time job, what’s a daughter to do?

Marina, for one, does “special projects.” In reality, that means extra study projects or cleaning jobs like raking leaves. I assign her long written assignments which helps maintain her thinking, organizing and writing chops in English. (Examples: “Why I got mad when doing my homework and how to fix that” and “Why I brush my teeth”). We still have not succeeded in getting her to delay gratification or save any of the extra money she earns. Meh.

Older sister Lady E. is better at saving but lazier; she refuses menial odd jobs. As a digital native, she prefers using the internet to maximize her yen purchasing power. Case in point, she has an account in Mercari, the marketplace app using my name and credit. It allows users to buy and sell items from their smartphones and ship them anonymously from local convenience stores. She buys and sells manga comics, and who knows what else? She’s also “old economy” smart. For example, she’ll buy a box of ice cream cones on sale for about 250 yen, and then tell everyone they’re in the freezer. Later, when family members rummage for snacks at night, she demands a 200% markup. Smart kid.

There’s also the steady supply of 100 yen coins I pay to both girls as a penalty whenever I utter the F-bomb and they can hear it.

I read in a recent U.S. poll that members of Gen Z (ages 18-24) are ambivalent toward capitalism: 42% have a positive view and 54% negative. The poll’s suggestion was the wealth gap among Americans that became more visible during COVID has adversely influenced younger adults’ view of capitalism. In 2019, 58% of Americans ages 18-34 reacted positively to the word capitalism. That's plunged to 49% today. Capitalism seems to be trending negative among young people.

The Rising Daughters™ are taking the opposite track. Maybe because they’re part of an as-yet unnamed generational cohort, or perhaps they’re just different, it seems my daughters are unrepentant market economy enthusiasts. At least, for now…