 |
| Credit: James C. Struck |
February ALWAYS sucks. This year, however, it has been particularly abhorrent. To the point where I am lobbying for a new type of mental disorder to be recognized. It’s called Seasonal Crankiness Disorder variant 22 (SCDv22). You read it here first.
The American Psychiatric Association has a handbook used to diagnose clinical illnesses. It's called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). SCDv22 belongs in the next edition.
February is already a viable host. It doubled down and spawned a shitburger in 2022.Why pick on February in general?
- It varies in length: 28 days, 29 days? Make up your mind.
- In the northern hemisphere, the cold prevents any semblance of joy. Even with blue skies during daylight. Then comes the long dark nights and another round of cold-ass days. Yeesh.
- The 2022 Winter Olympics in Beijing: what’s with those tall chimney stacks and cooling towers at the ski jumping venue? Reminds me of Three Mile Island. Grayish hellscape.
- Scientists declared a new variant of the COVID virus, following Delta and Omicron. It’s called the OhAreYouF*@#!KiddingMeAnotherOne. Short form: V22.2.02
- Putin aggression against Ukraine.
There is no cure for SCDv22. My medical advice is to hunker down and find a good shrink.
- Valentine’s Day is OK, I’ll admit. But I think Warm Whiskey Wednesdays should be held every week in February to take a bite of the mental shellacking it delivers every year without fail.
- Credit card bills from Christmas come due. Christmas joy is long diminished, then stomped by financial reality.
- Credit card bills from Christmas come due. Christmas joy is long diminished, then stomped by financial reality.
- Type “I hate February” into any search engine. You get an uncountable number of hits. Then the cookies exact their revenge by selling “I hate February” T-shirts. You’ll see YouTube videos with B-list comedians talking about why February sucks so badly. And then the contrarian ads come, like graphics with “Hey, can’t beat it, so be happy” messaging. So you throw your monitor out the window. It gets expensive.
- It fosters an irrational hatred of sweaters, indicated by turning up the electric space heater and only wearing T-shirts in defiance. (Maybe that's only my thing?)
- It fosters an irrational hatred of sweaters, indicated by turning up the electric space heater and only wearing T-shirts in defiance. (Maybe that's only my thing?)
But standard February disdain mutated into SCDv22, the most virulent version of SCD to date. Why?
 |
| Photo credit: Associated Press, Ng Han Guan |
- The 2022 Winter Olympics in Beijing: what’s with those tall chimney stacks and cooling towers at the ski jumping venue? Reminds me of Three Mile Island. Grayish hellscape.
- My hometown made the news for all the wrong reasons. Free-dumb anti-vax trucker convoy in Ottawa did create a more colorful Wellington St., though. I went to high school with the guy in this photo.
- Putin aggression against Ukraine.
There is no cure for SCDv22. My medical advice is to hunker down and find a good shrink.
