February 25, 2014

10 reasons why I don’t give a s**t about the Sochi Olympics

by M.

 
1. Way too much mixing of sports and politics. Rink Rivalry? Cool Runnings? Incessant media clichés about national stereotypes test my patience...and I am still not forming complete sentences.


2. Ditto on mixing sports and sexual preference.

3. I’m not quite sure what “Olympics” means…bobsled dudes? Science and skill of curling? Wazzat?

4. My older sister likes watching it on TV…therefore I hate it.

5. Russian rock n’ roll: enough already about Pussy Riot.


6. Never trust a commie, even ex-commies. Greater transparency blah blah blah.

7. I can’t reconcile the paradox of the Russian economy emblematic in Sochi: corruption and cronyism, yet it works!

8. I’m in a bad mood generally. We got the most snow in four decades this month in Yokohama and I am getting cabin fever. Snow always falls on the weekends!

9. “Until I see some skin from the male figure skaters, I ain’t buyin’ in.”

10. Olympic spirit and the camaraderie of nations? Luge this!


Editor's postscript: in retrospect, Sochi ended with no terrorism, no boycotts and no cheating scandals. So M.'s analysis is unduly harsh :)

February 9, 2014

In yer face, Mr. Summer

Snow!

Mother Nature has exacted her revenge in response to my cyclical griping about winter and championing of summertime. The heaviest snow in two decades has struck the Tokyo area and other regions across Japan. By Canadian standards, not a big deal: about 27 cm (11 inches) blanketed our part of Yokohama during Friday-Saturday. Still, this inflicted some havoc on the transportation system and forced us to forgo our plans for the weekend. We stayed at home instead. Boo-hoo.
E & M enjoyed spry frolicking in the snow and the novelty of snowballs, wet jeans, shoveling, and catching snowflakes on one’s tongue. Many friends have adorned their Facebook pages with similar descriptions and images of happy kids romping around in the white stuff.
 
I even got into the spirit of things and helped build a slightly demented-looking snowman.
 
Of course, no activity is complete without some kind of strife between the sisters. 

The snow had stopped falling in Tokyo by early morning Sunday and started to melt before noon. Tomorrow morning I expect the roads to remind me of home with surfaces as icy as hockey rinks. And no zambonis on the horizon.
 

January 31, 2014

The Village Part 2 Being Filmed in Yokohama

Did you see M. Night Shyamalan’s creepy 2004 movie, The Village? The director of  supernatural thrillers that feature his signature surprise endings has opted to film the sequel to The Village in Yokohama, Japan.
And Marina and Elena were singled out at a local mall by a talent scout and won parts as minor characters in the movie. Movie stars!
Here is a shot of the two in their costumes in front of their snow shelter on the set.

They are shooting the movie in a replicated farming hamlet from the Edo era (1603-1868) where the inhabitants are terrorized by a group of large, vaporous beings who circle the small village in the winter.

During the filming, to give the actors some acoustic cues and convey the atmosphere he wanted, Shyamalan played a recording – a low, barely perceptible yet ominous thrumming sound – while smoke pots replicated mist blowing over the moat that ringed the village perimeter. The day we were there for the girls' scenes, the villagers mostly huddled in their ice homes, while huge industrial fans blew in gales of snow. 

Here are the girls with their creature heads on after they were transformed into beasts as part of a plot twist in the script.
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Readers (all five of you), I apologize.
I can go no further with this yarn.
Fact is, it’s not even snowing in Yokohama. There is no movie. There is only a web of lies that is this post! See? It’s freaking igloos in paradise.
But it is still winter. We were bored one mid-January weekend. So went to the Sea Paradise amusement park island on a weekend where Akita prefecture happened to be holding a winter tourism promotional event featuring igloo-like snow shelters from the old days of northern Japan. It was about 12 degrees, and the palm trees are still green in the Yokohama area. They had to truck in the snow.  The picture says it all: 
The boring truth is that we did the usual Rising Daughter fandango and had a good ol' family time. But spinning a yarn like this is much more fun than a straightforward account, no? (The Beast Band was entertaining, too.)

January 28, 2014

OPERATION PURELAND

FROM: CDR RISING FAMILY
TO: CIC BLOGGER
SUBJECT: OPERATION PURELAND
OBJECTIVE: BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION
DEPLOYMENT ORDER 7B-D FOR PUMPKINHEAD#1
PERIOD OF REPORT: 201401XX INDIA TIME
TASK ORGANIZATION: 4 PERS / RISING FAMILY TEAM (RFT)

GENTEXT/SITUATION:
A. GENERAL: BIRTHDAY OPERATIONS FOR 7 YEARS
B. ENEMY: NON-LETHAL FORCE / INVASION OF WALLET
C. FRIENDLY: SMALL FEMALE HELLO KITTY FAN FRIENDLIES EVERYWHERE
D. ATTACHMENTS AND DETACHMENTS: TEAM DETACH ONLY FOR BATHROOM PEE-PEE OR POO-POO SUPPORT OPERATIONS

GENTEXT/MISSION
A. COMMANDER’S INTENT: TEAM MORALE UPGRADE ESPECIALLY SUBJECT OF BIRTHDAY
B. CONCEPT OF OPERATIONS:
 1. DEPLOY TO PURELAND VENUE.
 2. ENJOY SHOWS, RIDES, ATTRACTIONS AND FREAKY STYLE
 3. AVOID FIGHTING AMONG TEAM MEMBERS
 4. ENHANCE SINGING AND DANCING SKILLS
C: SUBORDINATE TASKS
 1. AVOID EXUBERANT PURCHASE OF EXPENSIVE CRAP IN GIFT SHOP
D. COORDINATING INSTRUCTIONS:
 1. ALIGNED UNIT LEADERSHIP BETWEEN OIC AND 2IC CRITICAL TO MISSION SUCCESS.

CHRONOLOGY OF EVENTS:
1. RISING FAMILY TEAM (RFT) CONDUCTED BIRTHDAY OPERATIONS FOR SENIOR DAUGHTER OF THE TWO-DAUGHTER FIRE TEAM.
2. RFT HAD MISSION TO CELEBRATE BIRTHDAY WITH MUCH JOY AND LAUGHTER AT PURELAND. (REF: “PURELAND” IS HOME TO HELLO KITTY DOLL CHARACTER CHERISHED BY GENERATIONS OF YOUNG GIRLS.)
3. RFT OIC/TEAM LEADER AND 2IC (HEREAFTER, PARENTS) GATHERED INFORMATION PRIOR TO DEPLOYMENT WHICH FACILITATED DEPLOYMENT PLANS. 
4. RFT DEPARTED BASE AT 0730 ARRIVED AT STAGING AREA 1000 HRS.
5. INTERIOR RECON SHOWED COLORFUL INGRESS POINTS.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
1. LARGELY AVOIDED OVERPRICED GREASY FOOD BY SMUGGLING IN HEALTHIER CHEAPER FOODSTUFFS.
2. BIRTHDAY CELEBRANT ENJOYED DANCING AND BOAT RIDE.
3. YOUNGEST TEAM MEMBER BEHAVED WELL. AWARDED GOLD STAR FOR COOPERATION UNDER JEALOUSY.
4. TEAM MEMBERS SAW MANY TRULY FREAKY STAGE SHOWS.

5. OBSTACLE TRAINING WITH GUIDANCE FROM D.I. KITTY

 6. OPERATIONS ENDED SUNDOWN/ EXTERIOR RECON COMPLETED

LESSONS LEARNED:
1. URINAL EXTERIOR TOO DISTURBING/PREVENTED MICTURATION

2. DANCING BUNNY GIRLS GAVE TEAM LEADER BUTTERFLIES AND DELIGHT
CONCLUSIONS:
1. MISSION OVERWHELMING SUCCESS / EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS.
2. POSITIVE ATTITUDE BY TEAM MEMBERS CONTRIBUTED TO OVERALL TEAM COHESIVENESS AND SMOOTH EXECUTION OF TASKS WITH MINIMAL DISRUPTION FROM CRYING OR BEGGING FOR SNACK FOODS.
3. USE OF THIS MISSION PROFILE FOR FUTURE BIRTHDAY OPERATIONS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
4. REF: http://www.puroland.co.jp/english/
MESSAGE ENDS //

December 25, 2013

Happy Christmas Message

To my family, friends and random folks who may be reading,
best wishes and heartfelt good cheer; Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

We had another terrific Christmas; feel lucky and blessed.
Started with a morning coffee...

The girls were naturally THRILLED about EVERYTHING today.
It was contagious. We simply had a wonderful merry olde, sepia-toned tyme.  

And check out this funky "impressionist picture" application on my camera.

December 24, 2013

Winter Solstice

It is Christmas Eve and I am mulling over autumn’s passing and winter’s grip. Thinking positively, the winter solstice (a few days ago) means the nights are getting shorter and the light of day is longer. So, astronomically, things are heading in the right direction.

Like a tube of toothpaste nearing its end, I want to squeeze the last bit of summer out and make it last as long as I can. Here are some of the highlights of Sept-Dec ’13:

To keep the dream of summer going, we visited Tokyo Summerland in mid-September. The heat and humidity is still formidable in Tokyo at that time, but most public outdoor pools have already shut their gates. Tokyo Summer is for summertime die-hards: a huge indoor domed pool and artificial wave water park that is open nearly year-round and, from July to September, offers more outdoor aquatic fun with a maze of whirlpools, waterslides, and fake waterfalls.
 
The Rising Daughters are water babies. Lady E. is coming along nicely in her swimming lessons, and M. seems to following the same trajectory, making me proud. At Summerland Marina mastered the meaning and ill-timed public use of the word “asscrack”--once again following in the steps of her elder sister (see “Gonzo Parenting”, Jan. 2011). They enjoyed squirting random people with their water pistols, receiving shrieks of delight from young women in bikinis, all crying “cute.” 

In my book, there is everything right with a theme park dedicated to the pleasures of summer all year round.

Recreation
With swimming no longer an option after September, we switched to observing fish and even touching them at the Aburatsubo Marine Park. It features an enormous aquarium and numerous displays for sharks, dolphins, penguins and sea lions.
The day we were there, they had this spellbinding live stage performance of a popular kiddie cartoon—imparting youngsters with morality though tales involving men in very tight grey rubber suits flinging themselves around the stage area fighting the bad guys. It was Captain America-meets-Crispin Glover chaos, and I enjoyed the show more than the girls did. I love that s—t!

And Marina is learning to drive.

Culture
My wife and I insist that the Rising Daughters embrace culture as much as they have fun being active. Thus, we have studied many of the world’s finest art treasures.
Courtesy of Nickelodeon/Viacom Int'l

Being classy people, we are teaching the girls the fine art of “passing wind” without being discovered.

Even in October, E & M were out meeting their fans…

..and trying out new ways to get around.

Alas, come November’s chill, I got bogged down in the trench warfare of my email inbox at work, and we had fewer activities of note. One major blow to the head, and I wake up to find that it is the end of December and I am on vacation. And so it goes…

November 30, 2013

For a few weeks more...heat

We’re on the verge of December as I write this and yet I am still thinking about summer. Gord Downie said it best: “we live to survive our paradoxes.” Mine is that I was reared in northern climes but have morphed into a creature that thrives on the great gales of energy unleashed amid hot, muggy summer temperatures. In that spirit, here are a few anecdotes from the Hot Zone, the peak heat of August. The soundtrack for this time is the sonic euphoria induced by listening to Katrina and the Waves’ “Walking on Sunshine” or the entire Steve Miller Greatest Hits album. The flavor is watermelon and cucumber salad washed down with judicious amounts of light American beer.


Summer trip to Hiroshima
It’s the family, stupid. After the night ramble down the 800 kilometers of expressway between Yokohama and Hiroshima, I was ready to revel in vacationland. So…Carp/Tigers baseball with a bud; 10th wedding anniversary with my beautiful and indulgent wife; BBQ and pool fun for the kiddies to escape the oppressive heat (at least 38-39 degrees Celsius every day); and, finally, a spell camping at the beach on the Japan Sea coast. From my journal: “Morning at the beach in Hamada: 1) really terrific swimming 2) Elena happy 3) Marina produces a tape-measure-worthy turd.” Awesome!


Doolittle in Doigehama
Somehow the schedules aligned where many old buddies (who have also stayed on in Japan) all managed to further align our vacation schedules for a couple of days off as husbands and fathers. The only ground rules are no wives and no kids. We met at the same camp spot we scorched a few years ago. Basically, we exorcised the resident employment demons through revelry with a tempo like a Pixies song —loud/quiet, quiet/loud— dependent on iPad technology and catnaps, punctuated by yet-more BBQ, Costco muffins, fireworks, and random romps into the ocean to cool off and rehydrate. It was two days of outstanding fun. As our middle-aged batteries wore down, quiet snoring in the afternoon sun was the order of the day.


Before I knew it, I was driving the family vehicle back to Yokohama with my friend James riding shotgun, sans family, which had wisely opted to stay with Naomi’s kin for a few more days. I guzzled coffee in quantities that should have stopped my heart in order to remain conscious as I captained the blue ship homeward. We arrived back in the Kanto region in one piece. Before I knew it, I was on a plane, then in the desert of Southern California at a work event, cranking out the words and frequenting Denny’s “for my health.”
At this point, the pace was relentless and I kicked in the afterburners, fueled by Bud Light and the manic elation prompted by seeing the Dodgers and the Red Sox play. The rest is a blur not unlike the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey: “My God—it’s full of stars.”

I jumped a plane eastward and barged in on my parental units for a visit that, to them, likely seemed more like a 28-hour hostage crisis. Then back to Japan via a flight schedule that was more complicated than dollhouse assembly instructions on Christmas Eve after a few fingers of Jameson’s.

And thus I found myself back at home in Yokohama at about 0600 on the first Sunday in September, with the two Rising Daughters groggily starting their day, my brain still somewhere over the Pacific, and the local temperature climbing quickly toward the high 30s with a hootenanny level of humidity to boot. I would…have it no other way. The Rising Family, fully intact once again, christened September with a dip in the local public pool, a dispensing of gifts, and a feast at Red Lobster to celebrate our XO’s birthday.
The flavor of August was a blend of sweat, watermelon and jet lag. It was the best month of this year, hands-down. Yet, September had its own charms…