Smackdown Sisters

The Rising Daughters™ are squarely in the Teenage Girl bracket now. The telltale signs are surging hormones, evident young womanhood, experimental makeup sessions, and helter-skelter moods. A side effect of this stage of life is…sibling rivalry and sister smackdown fights. I'm talking about psychological drama, people.

Lately, Lady E. and the M. often antagonize each other for various reasons. One cause of conflict is their diverging taste in music. The younger teen has developed a fondness for pop music choices heavily influenced by TikTok memes. The older, more urbane sister is obsessed with brooding Billie Eilish and Lana Del Ray tunes. Competing for airtime when we're together as a family creates some strife. Invariably, I invoke some form of democratic compromise in what music we all hear--and enforce it. The aftereffect of that is nasty words muttered with disdain between the sisters. Then everyone whips out individual smartphones, earphones inserted, and peace ensues. Everyone does their own thing. Sad, but at least it's music without rancor.

Another battleground is selecting what TV shows to watch. In bygone days the girls could enjoy some common shows, laughing at silly sitcoms with wholesome, PG-rated life lessons. My teens have detected that scam and their viewing preferences have evolved. The remote control has become a coveted prize, with both of them vying for dominance over the living room entertainment center. The remote control sparks more grousing and competing for screen time. Often a Parental Peacekeeping Force (PPF) will invoke a ceasefire and police the remote, and keep the two warring factions apart.

Same thing with clothes, which have provoked fashion fights. The Rising Daughters are almost the same size now. You'd think two closets would yield some sharing options. Yet closets are a minefield. Daughter #2 leans toward colorful and quirky ensembles, while Daughter #1 prefers a sophisticated and demure fashion sense. Yet they both tend to want to borrow my T-shirts and ratty old pullovers. Usually at the same time. Competition and scarcity equals danger.

Privacy is a foreign concept to Marina. Except when it's her privacy. She *had* a habit of barging into her older sister's room unannounced. Whether it's to "borrow" a favorite top without permission, or to seek a missing pair of socks, her disdain for boundaries sparks epic feuds. And many slammed doors. Preceded by sharp words and warnings, Lady E. counters with commando raids to get her clothes back when M. isn't there.

Food is sustenance, but snacks are more important than life. Both daughters have a stash of snacks we tolerate but try to moderate. In general, meals must be almost the same for each daughter. Otherwise, their sense of natural law triggers fierce cries of injustice such as "why does she get a bigger piece than me?" or "if she doesn't have to eat broccoli, then why do I?" Desserts, offered as a pleasant way to end a family meal, often devolve into low intensity invective. Who gets first pick at the dessert – which is usually the same treat – is coveted. Any minor difference in the size or appearance of the dessert creates strife.

Amid these frequent conflicts, their war of words usually holds a hidden undercurrent of affection. As adults and parents, we get annoyed, but we understand they are navigating the uncharted waters of teenage sisterhood. They will test boundaries, hopefully learn to coexist better while keeping their individuality, and find moments of connection during the chaos.
We hope.

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